| So yeah school started two weeks ago and I already wish that the year would end . But Im am scared, lately Ive been scared of everything sat's, college, grandpa(for not of), whats happening after high school, what am i going to do as a profession, death. lately i have been extremly scared of death like late at night when you cant sleep and your mind is everywhere thinking about everything then suddenly it comes out of nowhere, this feeling in your gut, this fear that i have. Its almost taking over my life. Then this with my grandpa. My grandpa's sickness is taking OVER my life. I dont have a mother right now, she's to busy being a daughter. Its wierd how she is being a daughter again. I see her cry a lot because of my grandpa, and its sad because I have only cried once for him, once..... everyone is always crying for him. Its not that I dont love him because I do, its just i dont feel any pain knowing he is going to die sometimes, then sometimes it takes over me and i dont know what to do...... life is really crazy right now, im acting crazy right now. Its like im bi-polar or something, it wasnt like this before it just happebed when i found out about my grandpa. You say one bad thing and I'm a complete bitch to you, and I have been crying for the stupidest things like today i didnt know what to make to eat and i cried and i dont know why. i cried for my dog yesterday, she died when i was nine. then i feel this sudden urge to be the mother of my sisters since my mom is busy with my grandpa. I feel that I am responsible for them now, and i know jacky doesnt like it. but if my mom doesnt do it and i dont do it then who will? my dad wont. I just want all of this to be over already, i want everything to be back to normal again, everything was fine i had money, no fighting, going out, losing wieght then this happened. Im sorry ray for having to deal with me when im like this. I love you. FUCK. i hate spanish!!!!!!!!(class). well see you tomm. |
